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Monday, May 4, 2015

Honesty



This is a picture of me from today. No makeup. No smile. Just me and some Starbucks. I never post pictures like these because I'm too afraid of what people will think. Wow. I finally said it. And what a relief that was. And so true. So why did I take the picture in the first place? I think maybe because I'm ready to stop hiding. I'm ready to find out who I really am and not be afraid to share me with the world. This is a picture of Starbucks getting me through a tough day (more on that later). I wish I could say that the love of Jesus is what gets me through the day, but that wouldn't be true. Though Jesus' love is real and abounding and endless and sufficient, I don't rely on it completely. But I absolutely can. I absolutely should. I'm working on it... Right now, to be honest, I still need Starbucks.

One thing I want more of in my life is honesty. If this blog is finally going to be a thing, I want it to be honest. That doesn't mean I'm going to share every personal dilemma that occurs in my life. Doing that cultivates negativity and negative is not who I am or who I want to be. Who I am is a believer, a wife, an artist, a pet parent, a student, and a caregiver. These are the things I'm going to write about. These are the things I hope will connect with people; with you. These are the things I want to be honest about, and honestly, being these thingsbeing who I am, is not always easy.

In fact, today, being a caregiver has been especially hard.

There are not a lot of folks outside my inner circle that know about my caregiver role. There are even fewer who know what that role entails. For now, I'm going to keep it that way. I just wanted to restart this blog with a bit of honesty.

I don't know what the next post will be about, I just know that I want to post again. This summer, I'm going to do a lot of things I've been putting off. I'm excited. I'm scared. But it's okay. At the end of the day, everything is going to be okay. I hope you find comfort in that. I do. This blog is a work in progress, and so are we. 

Peace.

Goals for Summer 2015


A couple weeks ago, my instructors asked me to outline my 5-year-plan. At first, this task seemed completely unrealistic. I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, how the heck am I supposed to know what I’ll be doing in 5 years!? No one knows that! But after asking a few questions, I learned that the plan is less about what I’m going to be doing and more about what I’d like to be doing. Basically, it’s a list of goals. The last time I made of list of life goals was when I was 16. A lot has changed since then. And, yes, I know it’s totally not normal for a 16-year-old to have a list of life goals, but if you know me, you know I’ve always been very goal-oriented. :) Though this outline was required for school, I found it to be a REALLY great exercise and something I plan to do for myself every year. 

Anyway, in no particular order, here are my goals (minus a few I chose not to share) for this summer:

- Practice having a consistent quiet time.
- Practice letting go/not worrying as much.
- Practice patience in my role as a caregiver and as a practicer (see below).
- Practice yoga twice a week.
- Practice healthier eating.
- Practice communicating.
- Practice making decisions that will strengthen my will-power.
- Practice navigating Wordpress in order to build my website/fancy-fy my blog.
- Practice reading a play once a week.

Why is “practice” in front of every goal? Because these things are not going to happen overnight. I’ve learned that and this summer I will learn to be okay with that. 

Learning takes patience and patience takes practice. 

Will I achieve all of these goals? Probably not. But, I’ll try. That’s the great thing about practice: I can keep practicing until I’m satisfied with the result. Even if that means practicing through fall, winter, etc...  The key is to just keep practicing!

What are your goals for this summer? If you don’t have any yet, why not make some? Summer is the perfect time to work towards some goals that have been pushed aside or forgotten about. Once you’ve got some in mind, comment them below! I’d love to hear from you. 

Peace. 

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

The Desk

Of the hundreds of cool things I could list about marriage so far, one of them has got to be free stuff! What I mean is, the concept of "What's mine is yours, now!" has been awesome (especially since neither of us have debt). :) Nick and I now have an even bigger collection of books, movies, decorative antique thing-a-ma-jigs, and furniture! While a surplus of certain things, furniture in particular, can be a curse in this situation, it's been fun trying to figure out what goes, what stays, where to put what stays, and what stays somewhere else (for the time being). But our creativity in finding a home for everything has not come without... slight difficulties. Take this desk for example:



I've always thought this desk was cool. Even before the sweet Ikea lamp and the wooden clock. It's Nick's and to him it's sentimental. He wrote his first book on this desk. I get that; I'm sentimental, too. The problem was/is that:
  • Both bedrooms already have desks. Why a third? 
  • It's awkwardly placed at the entryway of the house, where an abundance of furniture already exists and
  • I mean, who has a desk right by their front door?
Our kitchen, living room, and dining room are all one big space, so we're talking a huge breakfast counter, a dining table and chairs, TWO bookshelves, a couch, a coffee table... I really don't need to list it all. You get the idea. And up until this week it was piled with wedding decorations, mail, keys, junk, etc. It was hard to imagine what purpose this desk would serve once the wedding was over and all of that was cleared away. It doesn't match either the dining room or the living room so I entertained the idea of painting it that turquoise color you see all over Pinterest on pieces of furniture people are "making a statement" with. Eh, I'd probably regret it later. Wait a minute. Pinterest, painting, making-- CRAFT TABLE!

It made sense. Both desks already occupying our little abode belong to Nick and Papa. In a home of "What's mine is yours," I certainly have no place sitting at either of those. I think I'll claim this one as "Mine! ...even though it's still yours."

So here it is; my first Pinterest project made on my (our) new craft table (but let's face it, who else in this house is going to craft?).

Originally, this project was intended to catalog every place you and your spouse have visited together, however, because Nick and I love to travel and plan to visit many different places, it seemed impractical to have this quick, fun project turn into a never-ending one. So I decided to focus this project around our honeymoon! We visited twelve cities in ten days, most of which neither of us had ever been to! We walked the freedom trail, ate lobster in Maine, and attempted to get a glimpse of Dawson's house. Our road tour of the east coast is something I will never forget. Here goes.


So here's what I started with. Sitting down to do start is the hardest part. The light made me do it...

I bought a small-ish road atlas and the frame from Target. I probably could have spent a little less money and gone to Hobby Lobby or Walmart for the supplies, but I'm not afraid to admit that when the creativity starts itching I'm a sucker for convenience. And Target.


The frame was a little pricey but look how cool it is! It's intended for children's art. You simply open it like a book, take out the current masterpiece, tuck it into the pocket on the right and then put your child's newest creation in the display. It's genius! Speaking of genius, my awesome husband suggested using the pocket for things we collected on our honeymoon that I, of course, have given some weird sentimental value to (subway tickets, our Once playbills, Ikea receipts... don't judge). 


I cut out a stencil heart and carefully placed it over the cities. There was no formula to coming up with the size of the heart. I just knew I needed to cut out 11 cities and make it fit onto a 9 x 12in square. I'm surprised I didn't mess this one up. I'm such a perfectionist and this would be a completely different blog, probably on the fruit of self-control, if I had had to return to Target to get another map. Just saying...


There's no reason for this picture, except to say that Portland was, by far, my favorite city from this trip. Yes, even over New York. It was beautiful, quiet, yet booming with art and culture, and I'm not ashamed to say, a little bit hipster. I loved it.


After I cut out all the cities I laid them out on the cardboard that the frame came packaged in, which looks crappy after I cut it but the edges don't show after it's placed in the frame. I debated whether or not to use hot glue, but after a couple tests on scrap pieces and a small argument in my head about letting go of my perfectionism (I mean once the glue dries... it's on), I decided to go for it. This desk is wrecking my life, y'all.


I used that first space for a title. I'm not the kind of person that has to have a title for everything, so much as I am the kind of person who likes to have something really authentic in any piece of art (if you can even call this art). My handwriting is constantly changing, and I wanted to document what it looked like at this point in my life. It's weird, I know.


The finished project!

I'm encouraged. This desk went from being an extraneous piece of furniture, to an inspirational little nook in my own home.  Now that I've got a little extra time on my hands, I fully plan on actually DOING a few of the thousand pins I've got lying around. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you actually give yourself a little space.

- Kayla

PS. Can you guess where this little memoir is now hanging? :) Also, for anyone who cares, below is a list of the cities mapped in this project.

1. Andalusia, AL (where we were married)
2. Montgomery, AL
3. Savannah, GA
4. Wilmington, NC (filming location of Dawson's Creek, and many other movies/TV shows)
5. Washington, D.C.
6. Philadelphia, PA (for Philly cheesesteaks; small heart)
7. New York and Tarrytown/Sleepy Hollow, NY
8. Boston, MA
9. Portland, ME
10. Chambersburg, PA (Boswell Pipe & Tobacco, Co.)
11. Asheville, NC
12. Atlanta, GA (for Ikea; small heart)
13. Panama City, FL (home)

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Finding the Fruit

I keep getting rad ideas for blogs... It goes a little something like this:

Rad idea happens. Kayla thinks to herself,

Oh, that's interesting/ingenius/clever/funny/educational/inspiring/etc... I could write a cool blog about that.

Many frustrating hours of attempting to learn Wordpress.com and a poorly written paragraph later:

Oh, never mind, it wasn't that interesting/ingenius/clever/funny/educational/inspiring/etc...

One day, I'll get a Wordpress up and running. It's cool, but not worth the effort at this point in time. For now, here I am. I don't get it. I used to write novels on Xanga (Yeah, you forgot about Xanga didn't you!?). And by no means am I a writer, but come on, I think a lot of pretty interesting things happen to me. At least I hope so...

Anyway, here it is and here's why: I suck at having a consistent quiet time. So one morning, I'm sitting at the table dissatisfied with my poor efforts in spending some quality time with God. 

I need more Christian female influence in my life. I mean, I'm about to be married! This whole woman-of-God thing needs to happen and fast! 

So I google "blog for christian women." Luckily, I found some good ones right away. My favorite so far is a {modern} christian woman. She writes about anything! From tips on organizing, to recipes, to the way scripture inspired her that day... I also enjoy Sarah Mae

I was encouraged to see that not all of their entries were super long. I think that's what intimidated me the most about keeping a blog; the fact that I'll need to write something really substantial and do that often, and the fact that I had no idea what to write about. I didn't want to give my blog a narrow theme, such as theatre. I love theatre, but I couldn't write something about it everyday, especially when I'm not participating in a show. It would look something like this:

"Listened to the OBC soundtrack of Once, today. Isn't the cast just FABULOUS? Oh, and the lace on my jazz shoes broke. Wah, wah."

Sign me up for THAT subscription! Don't get me wrong, I WILL geek out about the stage every once in a while.

What really helped me actually get this thing started, was realizing that this blog isn't necessarily going to be for an audience. I'll be ecstatic if I get some readers and they actually enjoy reading it, but I mostly want to see what I get out of this blog. 

Going back to my frustration with quiet time, I've always had a hard time with this. Praying, talking to God, asking my questions and not "hearing" any answers (did anyone else just burst out into "Part of That World" or was that just me?). I want to be a fruitful woman. I want to exude the fruit of the spirit from the inside out. I want others to know that I am a Christ follower because of my love for all people. I get impatient with my family. I am by no means meek or gentle. I don't know what peace truly feels like. My faith and self-control are my weakest links. I want to find these fruits within me and develop them. Actually, I'll let God do the developing. My hope is that this blog will be a journal of my journey to find said fruit, and perhaps someone else will be inspired to find the fruit, as well.

-Kayla


Disclaimer: Nick usually edits anything and everything I write for the public eye, but this blog will not be edited. Expect bad grammar, run on sentences, and really cheesy jokes. You've been warned.